Two days ago, I struggled to send a message in LinkedIn which got once more, a little bit out of hand (and above the linkedin text processing capacity). Whenever I write to someone who has achieved much more then I did (and think I did), I maybe try too hard to formulate well and express myself clear. But its just because individual contact and human beings are important to me. And in the digital space, all I can do is type and try my best to put enough thougt per key into the result. As LinkedIn was too small, I put it here in the hope that Neil can find it or that anyone finds it interesting instead. Its the same story (about me) once more, just told from a human narrative to a human in the present. This is a sequel related to the post on 6.9. about how I started to annoy humans. I wrote this to Neil Davidson, a social-ecological entrepeneur who helped me to advance my own narrative by introducing this frame’s importance and potential to me. Which also spread towards the present version of https://Civilization.Earth. He was part of the #StreamAroundTheClock conference and I found his views very empathic. I’ll have been working on a summit about the conference since tomorrow.
Hey Neil 🙂 [and/or anyone else]
So.. I’m a bit ‘new’ to social interaction actually. I have a bit of difficult past and I wasn’t able to communicate thoughts and so I’m still in a learning phase. That’s why I was thinking about what and how I’d write to you the entire week and yet wasn’t able to make the next step. I’m very thankful for your ping as I always need context to initiate/engage. Its always too much text when I write, and I really hope you can find enough time or information in it, to have a look at it.
When you mentioned the ‘others you were working with’, curious ecosystem-builders I imagine, I had this twitch in my heart, that this might be the environment I’m looking for all my life. In a way, it definitely is, I was just yet unable to find one where I’d fit in. I watched the DeepSea project and wanted to join them, but they didn’t respond to my thoughts on it, so I stood out of the loop. Due to my social diversity, I’m pretty much an outcast and an outsider. The conference was the second time° at all where I tried to reach out to ‘public’.¹
I don’t want to put it in front, but its important because I made the experience people assume I don’t know what I’m talking about, as I have insight into many aspects of our world. In 2002 I got chronic fatigue syndrom and severe complexified chronic pain. Since end of October 2018 I am in sudden spontaneous remission after 16 years of daily muscle dysfunctions, continous pain and limitations to write, move and live. The doors to life suddenly opened to me, and I cannot go any other way then to try the apparently impossible. The most important thing to me, more important then being happy, my family and friends is around the abstract and often repulsing notion of ‘saving the world’. Not because I think ‘I would be special’ and not because it is in a destructive way. I just know the best thing for my family, friends and myself is if there was a better world around them. I’m a maniac, for sure, but I studied enough years of cognitive science and applied systems science to learn how creativity and formalistic personalities can cooperate, which was the internal issue I had to solve first.
I realized in the past 23 months since I participate in life that the years which I was limited to think and in which I was researching without an ability to publish any ideas and results, I have aggregated an amount of ideas, concepts and perspectives in me which makes it difficult to stay on one topic. My experiences with disease, patiens, terminal and chronic, as well as doctors and professors of diverse areas have taught me many things which impact and shape how I think. I can only think fully inclusive, I cannot ignore and neglect those with ‘disabilities’, those with different abilities, those with problems that are not realized by the general culture and most of all, those who are inable to voice their pain at all.
I work on projects which are thought to connect beings, because what I want to contribute to and what I want to make my life about is peace. But those for which I make these projects are lacking, because I cannot work for publicity or money, it makes me utterly sad if I have to try to ‘sell’ an idea to someone. An idea is a dream, and to me dreams can only continue if they are free. Not bound to identity, branding or frame of reference (ideology, discipline) which makes it apparently almost impossible to be heard, with a few exceptions. I try to learn and I learn slowly, but I think we lack the time to go the classical ways which is why I work very distributed and have above a hundred of drafts but not a single ‘MVP’ because I’d rather fight every single MVP as they (have to) use a lethal currency system which we must transform into an architecture which allows rest and recreation for human society.
When I started to think about technological singularity, biological life, its relationship to synthetic life and artificial intelligence I was a kid. My youth was about the consequences of nanophysics, polymorphic viruses, personality and psychology damaged caused by augmented reality and immersive VR. It was about how advanced neuroengineering would look and feel like but not the present world. It was 2001, 2002 when I realized that my thoughts and being were not at the right time, and though I was not taking part in life, my life was very real as pain accelerates time.
The concepts which were important to me and which I realized as existential threats and novel opportunities for humanity were in my mind, but they made no transition into the real world, I felt there was a wall which was impenetrable to me. The more books I was told about who got only parts of it right what concerned me, the more I retreated into my mind and lost confidence that we’ll figure it out in time. I felt to have the answers ready and thought many others had but none of us were heard. I never stood up for me and never wanted to put me in front of anyone else because I’m repulsed by any form of domanince, I am too shy and my drive is too peaceful to literally shout. I can speak for many Gen X and Y’s who dropped out of the cultural staticity, because they’d need flexible systems, dynamic language, colorful braille. I think we needed a change which was impossible at that time but 2020 changed all of this.
I’ve been thinking about language, AI, neuroscience, complex ecosystem dynamics and cognitive systems all my life. But I am not very good at writing and composing long texts. It is the bottleneck for me, and the few beings with which I was able to share enough time so they were able to see inside me keep motivating me to reach out to others. I just dont want to share ideas in exchange for money or publicity, which adds more to my issues with reaching out to others. When I write or read, I do so in graphic programs because I cannot read linear / 2D very good. I need to share my thoughts – not because I think of them as ‘my’ or something ‘I’ could do or believe in me, but because I belive that they can help to build new dreams. I have too much ideas for one being to realize any of them properly. I’m a community-being by design but my language isolates me from any real network.
I think I can translate between Gen X, Y and Z and the establishment because I was never able to become part of any of them but experienced and lived parts of all of them. I stood young in my mind but I know how it is to live with body with inflammations in all joints and inabilities in areas which are natural to everyone else. I know how it is to loose a concept of dignity before it could be understood and felt as an important piece of life. I think current politics is at its end, and the transition we face poses dangers and threats for the weakest as well as those in the apparently ‘save’ positions. The realization of that triggers more cascades of fear and aggression. I think social and eco- engineering can understand at all the importance to include and engage the younger generations as ecosystems would not exist without new life, without young and different ways to move, act and think.
I compared my views to those of others, and at this conference I realized more clear then ever, that there is missing information and connections everywhere. I never researched a discipline, I researched research, and how she can evolve to embrace her researchers as much as her innovation. To me, every living being is a researcher in reality, just nobody told us that and nobody was able to prepare us for that. Due to my disease I had an advantage, because I was only in virtual spaces and learned about our future in realitime, all my life. Now I would like to work on our future with everyone, in realtime as long I can live. I was frozen in time since I was 14 due to my disease and since it got better I want to make the most of any clear moment I have. Multidirectional education requires the equivalent of teachers who make mistakes in awareness to push forward the cultural learning curve and class which is interactively around them. I think that might be what I’m here for. If not, I would like to prove that to anyone so we can find those who are better at it as this requires to learn what is necessary for this job.
It is one of the main reasons why I was very happy to be able to reach out to you Neil. But due to my aspergers-like issues and other difficulties to ‘socially engineer me as an individual’, I often fail to build a means of communication to others. [most of the time bc my word-walls break everything] I would have to bring a bunch of books to proof my ideas are sound, to explain to you what I think, that it/I has something to say. I face the likelhood that I appear insane stating this – but I have not yet found a problem to which I could not think of a solution. Not because ‘I’ could solve it, but bc I know there are scientist in area ‘xy’ which can solve this kind of problem with their skills. Just that nobody integrates them and reaches out to them and I need to much words when I write to communicate. I am not the one who can execute the solutions, nor do I have the skills but I can claim that others could solve it – and with enough attempt to test it, we can come up with an actual solution.
Alltogether, I’m in need of help. I am good at idea generation, complexity and mediation. I cannot promote myself or write down ‘classically’ what my position to something is, as I see my position as interactive mediation between a specific being, a specific context and all I know and am aware of. I am open to everyone who can help to improve my perspective and any statement is directed to anyone who can find interest in it or who can provide me with a followup context. Without a specific indvidual which I am addressing – to which I feel an honest connection, I cannot express myself as I cannot ‘virtualize’ alive human contact. When I write about theory or a topic, too many interconnections prevent me from writing ‘papers’. I can synthesize almost everything else, which is why I need more connections to become functional as complexity-mediator and whatever I can be what could be of use to human society (which entails to be of no use for a particular company, nation, organization or conspiracy. I rather aim for the greatest shared discomfort, as only this can change our default ‘gauge’ between complex systems²)
I hope it was okay to take so much time of you, and I am thankful that you enabled me to write this as I learn from finding out about other beings and their way of communication. You would be very welcome to pass on these words to anyone you trust or work with, if I may say so. And in case you can find the time to check out the ideas I work on, I might add that an audio commentary would often change the impression entirely. I don’t want to spam a list of links which I usually did, but I’d be very interested to hear about your thoughts on this/me.
So for anyone else, this is an example of the futile attempts I undertake to reach outer life. 🙂 The mail to Gitta is not useful for anyone without a 32” screen and an idea how xanadu works :]
Aside of that, we successfully failed to play monopoly on saturday. But instead I got the chance to write human readable content which is always cool.
°The first time being at the EU Youth Online Session of the Horizon Europe Mission ”Healthy Oceans, Seas, Coastal and Inland Waters”, held on 1st July.
¹Aside my glamorous first inofficial crashlanding in a futurama fan community where I tried to relax for the first time after starting my codeathon in february. This led to a catastrophic mixup of some words and the impression I caused taught me a valuable lesson. One of the best Quotes about me arose in this scenario. For the ksearcher, PEEL is the term to go for, then theres a planet to be found 😉
²See final.credit for reference. As there are complex concepts behind them I work on the domains dis.credit and brake.money to ease access to transition of economic systems.
³The CEO abbreviation is re-interpreted and re-defined for me as ‘Complexity Ecosystem Orgx’ [Orgx being the transitive ‘organization’ concept between organism (individual), organics (ecosystematic interdependence) and organization (synchronized scale-invariant decision coordination)]